elliott smith - a remembrance

it is thursday, october 23, 2003.  it was yesterday when i, along with the rest of the world, learned of the sad news about elliott.  i've looked at probably close to 50 articles online from all corners of the country and the world in regards to his death.  most of the stories take the standard ap story, but a few tried to offer some different insight and comments.  i guess this is my chance, for whatever reason, to give my 2 cents for whoever cares to read it. 

the first time i ever heard elliott's name was in an online chat with a guy i used to chat with from georgia.  this was during a time when i had even less of a life than i have now, and wasted endless hours in online chat rooms.  matt from georgia knew i liked the beatles and told me that i should check out this song by this guy elliott smith who had a couple of songs on the good will hunting soundtrack.  he sent me the mp3 of "rose parade", the first official elliott smith song i ever heard.  i can't even say it was love at first listen...i enjoyed it, i could see where he thought i would like it.  i kind of put it on a shelf for a while.  i have always listened to a wide variety of music; something that continues today.  i had purchased a sampler of music on ebay that was released by a massachusetts-based chain store called newbury comics, which had "waltz #2 (xo)" on it.  i found myself playing it and replaying, which is a rarity for me especially with mish-mash compilation CD's.  then the connection was made...this was the guy who did that "rose parade" song that matt sent me.  it all grew from there i guess.  elliott became one of those artists of whom i had to get everything he ever did.  it was an interesting journey, and elliott's music definitely found a special place in my heart and in my life. 

it was amazing to hear someone singing lines that hit so close to home, like he understood my often times fucked up mind.  one thing that made it so special to me was that closeness, that understanding.  his songs have a way of doing that.  have i ever been to a rose parade?  hell no.  have i ever felt like "when they clean the street i'll be the only shit that's left behind"...absolutely.  i could have written that line myself.  music has an amazing power, but his songs were just so damn tuned to me and things that i had felt.  we're certainly not from anywhere near the same background or experiences or lifestyles, but that didn't matter.  it was just like a special thing that was so personal to share in.  i always liked how elliott liked to keep a low profile, and shied away from the spotlight and stardom.  he was there for us, but he didn't shove that fact down our throats.  his work on what would have been the 6th album shows this more...his own pace, doing things his way, putting it out on an independent of his choosing.  he lived in l.a. but wasn't l.a.  he wasn't hollywood.  i respect him so much for being himself.  i wish he was not so tormented, but that's who he was, and he wouldn't be the same if he was some sugar-coated pop singer belting out mindless, meaningless words.  we have too much of that now; he gave us a refreshing alternative.  was it pretty?  not always.  is life?  not always.  to me, he was a reflection of reality, and a reality that i could relate to.

i always got a kick out of mentioning his name when asked about music i like, etc.and seeing the look of confusion or disbelief that i liked someone who isn't a household name.  yet another factor that contributed to that closeness...he wasn't top 40, he wasn't a media favorite.  but he was here for us and gave us so much.  this past summer, i was working with a college student and one of our conversations inevitably came to music.  i was showing her the "recommended music" page on my website, and as i scrolled down to the elliott smith link, i almost automatically began my explanation of who this elliott smith guy was; after all, the normal question was "who's elliott smith?"  much to my surprise (and delight), she replied that she knew of him.  it's hard to explain what a connection like that is all about, but it's different than two people discovering they both like britney spears or michael jackson.  in some way, his obscurity drew us that much closer to him and to each other.

so, now we have to face another reality.  he is gone, but his music certainly isn't, nor will it ever.  i'm glad i had the chance, no matter how brief, to enjoy it as it happened.  i'm glad that i have that chance to feel that closeness to him and his words.  there aren't many things that are so comforting as understanding and knowing someone else feels the way you thought no one else could possibly feel.  i thank him for giving me that.  i will miss him...i miss him already.  i hope he is finally at peace; that's all i could ever wish for someone who has given so much and expected so little. 

---kevin hooey, 23 october 2003